Guests, RSVPs and seating

Your wedding guest list.

The guest list is the dial everything else hangs off: budget, venue, catering, seating. Here is how to build it, how to collect the replies, and how it eventually becomes a seating plan.

How many tables do you need?

Guests

Seats per table

0 tables

0 free seats at the last table

0 tables including a spare

Build your guest list in HeyBride

Rule of thumb: plan one table more than the maths suggests. Last-minute changes happen almost every time.

Building the guest list

Start apart. Each of you writes down, independently, who you absolutely want there, without thinking about budget or space. Then put the two lists side by side. Anyone who appears on both is in. The rest is the conversation.

Then split it into an A list and a B list. The A list is everyone who is in without discussion: closest family, closest friends, the people whose absence would take the shine off the day. The B list is everyone you would love to have if budget and space allow. When someone from the A list declines, someone from the B list moves up.

It sounds ruthless, but it spares you the hardest conversation of the whole planning process. And it is honest: every wedding has a limit. The only question is whether you draw it deliberately, or whether the budget draws it for you later.

Ten guests fewer usually saves more than any negotiation with a single vendor.

How many guests do you invite to a wedding?

The average wedding in Germany has 60 to 80 guests. That is not a target, though, just the middle of a very wide spread. The more useful question runs the other way: which size fits the day you actually picture?

Size	Guests	How the day feels
Elopement	0 to 10	Just the two of you and your witnesses. No schedule, no speeches.
Micro wedding	10 to 30	You get to talk to every guest properly. One long table is enough.
Small classic	30 to 60	Family and close friends. Personal, but still a party.
Classic	60 to 100	The usual case. You will not reach every table, so plan time for it.
Large	over 100	Needs clear timings, announcements and usually someone hosting.

The biggest effect is not on money, it is on you. From around 80 guests the day turns into a schedule. Plenty of couples say afterwards that with half the guests they would have had twice as much of their own wedding.

Three questions that shorten a guest list

If you are stuck, go through the list with these three questions. They work better than any category:

Have we actually spoken in the last two years? Not commented, not sent birthday wishes. Spoken.
Would we invite this person to dinner, just the two of us? If not, they rarely belong at a wedding with 60 seats.
Are we inviting them because we want to, or to avoid trouble? Both are legitimate reasons. But you should know which one applies.

Plus-ones: who gets to bring someone?

Set one rule and apply it to everyone. Anything else leaves you explaining yourselves. A common and easily defended version: anyone married, engaged or in a relationship of more than a year gets a plus-one. Nobody else does.

Write the names on the invitation, not "and guest". Once a name is on there, the question is answered before it gets asked.

Children: invite them or not?

Either is fine, just not halfway. A child-free wedding needs a clear, warm note in the invitation and ideally a pointer to childcare nearby. A wedding with children needs a plan: someone watching them during the speeches, a room of their own, food they will eat, somewhere to retreat early.

What does not work: allowing children, but only for family. Everyone notices, and it stings.

Expect declines

Between invitation and celebration, 10 to 20 % typically decline. The rate is higher for guests travelling far or with small children, and much lower for close family. So do not plan tight: with 70 seats you can usually invite 78 to 80 people without it getting cramped.

But do not wait until the RSVP deadline to move people up from the B list. An invitation that arrives four weeks before the wedding feels to the guest exactly like what it is.

RSVP

Collect replies, without the paper pile.

Save-the-dates go out 8 to 12 months ahead, invitations 3 to 4 months ahead. Set an RSVP deadline around 6 weeks before the day, which leaves you time for the seating plan and a final catering headcount.

Why a QR code beats the reply card

Seating plan

A seating plan without the drama.

Place the difficult cases first, not the easy ones. Who cannot sit next to whom shapes the plan more than anything else. Everyone else falls into place almost on their own afterwards.

How to build a seating plan that keeps everyone happy

Which table shape suits you?

Table shape decides more about the mood than the decoration does. It determines who can talk to whom.

Shape	Seats	Works if
Round tables	8 to 12	you have many guests and want groups to mix
Long banquet tables	any	you want one shared table. Conversation only runs left, right and opposite, though.
U-shape	up to about 40	everyone should see the couple and there will be speeches
Small tables of four	4 to 6	you want a relaxed restaurant feel without a fixed schedule

Rule of thumb for space: allow 60 to 70 centimetres of table edge per guest. A round table 1.8 metres across comfortably seats 10, and 12 at a squeeze. Leave 1.5 metres between tables, or the service staff cannot get through.

The order in which you seat people

Conflicts first. Whoever must not sit together gets placed first. Everything else arranges itself around that.
Then the top tables. Parents, witnesses, siblings. Usually within sight of you.
Then the people coming alone. They need a table where they will find company, not the leftover seat.
Finally the easy groups. Friend circles and colleagues almost seat themselves.

And plan one spare table. Something almost always shifts in the last two weeks.

Common questions

Questions about guests and seating

01How many tables do we need for our wedding?

Round tables usually seat 8 to 10 guests; for long banquet tables, count on roughly 60 to 70 cm of space per person. So for 80 guests you need around 8 to 10 round tables. Plan one table more than the maths suggests, because last-minute changes almost always happen.

02When do you send out wedding invitations?

Save-the-dates 8 to 12 months ahead, the actual invitations 3 to 4 months before the wedding. Set an RSVP deadline around 6 weeks before the day, which leaves you time for the seating plan and a final headcount for the caterer.

03Is digital RSVP worth it?

Yes, mostly for you. Guests reply through a QR code or link, with no app and no login, and give their meal preferences and allergies at the same time. You never have to chase anyone by phone, and your final catering number assembles itself.

04How many guests do you invite to a wedding?

The average wedding in Germany has 60 to 80 guests. More useful than the average is which size suits your day: up to about 30 guests you get to talk to everyone properly, and from around 80 the day turns into a schedule. Also expect 10 to 20 percent to decline.

05Who gets to bring a plus-one?

Set one rule and apply it to everyone. A common and easily defended version: anyone married, engaged or in a relationship of more than a year gets a plus-one. Write the names on the invitation rather than “and guest”, and the question is answered before it gets asked.

From the journal