Your wedding guest list.
The guest list is the dial everything else hangs off: budget, venue, catering, seating. Here is how to build it, how to collect the replies, and how it eventually becomes a seating plan.
Your guest list.
Add names, keep the A-list and B-list apart, tick off the replies. Saved in this browser, no sign-up needed.
Nobody on the list yet. Start with the people you are certain about: that is your A-list.
How many tables do you need?
Rule of thumb: plan one table more than the maths gives you. Last-minute changes are almost guaranteed.
Building the guest list
Start apart. Each of you writes down, independently, who you absolutely want there, without thinking about budget or space. Then put the two lists side by side. Anyone who appears on both is in. The rest is the conversation.
Then split it into an A list and a B list. The A list is everyone who is in without discussion: closest family, closest friends, the people whose absence would take the shine off the day. The B list is everyone you would love to have if budget and space allow. When someone from the A list declines, someone from the B list moves up.
It sounds ruthless, but it spares you the hardest conversation of the whole planning process. And it is honest: every wedding has a limit. The only question is whether you draw it deliberately, or whether the budget draws it for you later.
Ten guests fewer usually saves more than any negotiation with a single vendor.
How many guests do you invite to a wedding?
The average wedding in Germany has 60 to 80 guests. That is not a target, though, just the middle of a very wide spread. The more useful question runs the other way: which size fits the day you actually picture?
| Size | Guests | How the day feels |
|---|---|---|
| Elopement | 0 to 10 | Just the two of you and your witnesses. No schedule, no speeches. |
| Micro wedding | 10 to 30 | You get to talk to every guest properly. One long table is enough. |
| Small classic | 30 to 60 | Family and close friends. Personal, but still a party. |
| Classic | 60 to 100 | The usual case. You will not reach every table, so plan time for it. |
| Large | over 100 | Needs clear timings, announcements and usually someone hosting. |
The biggest effect is not on money, it is on you. From around 80 guests the day turns into a schedule. Plenty of couples say afterwards that with half the guests they would have had twice as much of their own wedding.
Three questions that shorten a guest list
If you are stuck, go through the list with these three questions. They work better than any category:
- Have we actually spoken in the last two years? Not commented, not sent birthday wishes. Spoken.
- Would we invite this person to dinner, just the two of us? If not, they rarely belong at a wedding with 60 seats.
- Are we inviting them because we want to, or to avoid trouble? Both are legitimate reasons. But you should know which one applies.
Plus-ones: who gets to bring someone?
Set one rule and apply it to everyone. Anything else leaves you explaining yourselves. A common and easily defended version: anyone married, engaged or in a relationship of more than a year gets a plus-one. Nobody else does.
Write the names on the invitation, not "and guest". Once a name is on there, the question is answered before it gets asked.
Children: invite them or not?
Either is fine, just not halfway. A child-free wedding needs a clear, warm note in the invitation and ideally a pointer to childcare nearby. A wedding with children needs a plan: someone watching them during the speeches, a room of their own, food they will eat, somewhere to retreat early.
What does not work: allowing children, but only for family. Everyone notices, and it stings.
Expect declines
Between invitation and celebration, 10 to 20 % typically decline. The rate is higher for guests travelling far or with small children, and much lower for close family. But do not rely on it: invite 78 people for 70 seats, get three declines, and you are stuck. Invite up to your capacity and move people up from the B list once declines actually come in. That way your planning does not depend on a rate.
But do not wait until the RSVP deadline to move people up from the B list. An invitation that arrives four weeks before the wedding feels to the guest exactly like what it is.
What belongs in the list besides names
Over the course of planning, a list of names turns into a data set. If these fields run alongside from the start, you will not be searching old messages later to find out who eats vegetarian:
- Address and invitation sent — after forty envelopes you will not remember who is missing
- Acceptance or decline with a date, plus any outstanding follow-ups
- Plus-one and children, by name rather than as a number
- Allergies, intolerances, food preferences — the caterer needs these, usually four weeks ahead
- Special requirements such as accessibility or travel with an overnight stay
- Table assignment, once the seating plan is settled
And keep one list, not five. As soon as files like "guestlist_final2_reallyfinal" appear, two versions hold different numbers, and you will report the wrong one to the caterer.
Collect replies, without the paper pile.
Save-the-dates go out 8 to 12 months ahead, invitations 3 to 4 months ahead. Set an RSVP deadline around 6 weeks before the day, which leaves you time for the seating plan and a final catering headcount.
A seating plan without the drama.
Place the difficult cases first, not the easy ones. Who cannot sit next to whom shapes the plan more than anything else. Everyone else falls into place almost on their own afterwards.
Which table shape suits you?
Table shape decides more about the mood than the decoration does. It determines who can talk to whom.
| Shape | Seats | Works if |
|---|---|---|
| Round tables | 8 to 12 | you have many guests and want groups to mix |
| Long banquet tables | any | you want one shared table. Conversation only runs left, right and opposite, though. |
| U-shape | up to about 40 | everyone should see the couple and there will be speeches |
| Small tables of four | 4 to 6 | you want a relaxed restaurant feel without a fixed schedule |
Rule of thumb for space: allow 60 to 70 centimetres of table edge per guest. A round table 1.8 metres across comfortably seats 10, and 12 at a squeeze. Leave 1.5 metres between tables, or the service staff cannot get through.
The order in which you seat people
- Conflicts first. Whoever must not sit together gets placed first. Everything else arranges itself around that.
- Then the top tables. Parents, witnesses, siblings. Usually within sight of you.
- Then the people coming alone. They need a table where they will find company, not the leftover seat.
- Finally the easy groups. Friend circles and colleagues almost seat themselves.
And plan one spare table. Something almost always shifts in the last two weeks.
Questions about guests and seating
01How many tables do we need for our wedding?
02When do you send out wedding invitations?
03Is digital RSVP worth it?
04How many guests do you invite to a wedding?
05Who gets to bring a plus-one?
Deeper reading
Hand-picked articles from the journal — for everyone who wants to dive into a single phase.
Guests Creating a wedding seating plan: the five-step method
The paper-note method in five steps, the right timeline, table shapes compared, and the mistake that catches almost every seating plan: the leftovers table.
Guests Wedding RSVP cards: what to put on them and when a QR code works better
What belongs on an RSVP card, three wordings you can copy, and when a QR code beats the reply card. Includes a deadline recommendation.
Organisation What to put on a save-the-date card — and when to send it
Exactly what information goes on a save-the-date card, what to leave off, three wordings to copy, and how far ahead to send them.
Organisation Maid of honour or best man: what are the actual duties?
What does a witness really do? An honest overview of every duty before, during and after the wedding.
Guests, RSVPs and seating in one place.
In HeyBride your guest list is wired straight into the seating plan and the budget. Someone drops out, and everything else follows.
Miri can hardly wait
